1 00:00:01,502 --> 00:00:04,767 Sacred Heart. Eight years of great memories. 2 00:00:04,805 --> 00:00:07,831 This place will live forever. 3 00:00:08,476 --> 00:00:10,637 They tore down the old crappy hospital 4 00:00:10,678 --> 00:00:12,942 and rebuilt it on the med school campus. 5 00:00:12,980 --> 00:00:14,948 I'm just back to teach some classes. 6 00:00:14,982 --> 00:00:17,951 First, though, I need to do my morning good-luck ritual. 7 00:00:18,819 --> 00:00:23,188 And seven. That's one good-luck kiss for every month you've been in there. 8 00:00:23,391 --> 00:00:25,052 - Are you done yet? - Not yet. 9 00:00:25,092 --> 00:00:28,550 And thank you for making Mommy's boobs so much bigger. 10 00:00:28,763 --> 00:00:30,594 They're almost jugs. 11 00:00:30,831 --> 00:00:32,765 Seriously, I think I can probably rest them on your head. 12 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,631 - Check it out. - Okay. 13 00:00:34,802 --> 00:00:37,965 Yeah. Whoa, talk about a 10-gallon hat. 14 00:00:38,205 --> 00:00:39,866 How cool is that? 15 00:00:40,274 --> 00:00:42,708 Donny, no questions right now, okay? This is private. 16 00:00:42,743 --> 00:00:46,611 - They're still looking. - I said this is private! Turn around! 17 00:00:47,248 --> 00:00:49,842 - That was heavy. - Hey, do good today. 18 00:00:51,052 --> 00:00:52,451 - Bye. - Bye. 19 00:00:54,989 --> 00:00:57,457 I can still feel them on my head. 20 00:00:58,292 --> 00:00:59,953 How sweet is he? 21 00:01:02,630 --> 00:01:04,894 Part of me hates how familiar this seems. 22 00:01:04,932 --> 00:01:07,423 I hope I can find a way to make this all feel new. 23 00:01:07,902 --> 00:01:09,802 Oh, my God, the first day of med school. 24 00:01:09,837 --> 00:01:12,670 Everything is so new. I mean, just look at all these people 25 00:01:12,706 --> 00:01:15,197 who don't know that I used to wear a back brace. 26 00:01:15,242 --> 00:01:16,869 I can look left. 27 00:01:18,312 --> 00:01:22,510 Yep, new sights, new sounds, even new smells. 28 00:01:23,951 --> 00:01:25,714 - Kiwi. - What? 29 00:01:26,153 --> 00:01:28,144 - I smell kiwi. - Yeah, it's my shampoo. 30 00:01:28,189 --> 00:01:30,885 - I love kiwis, okay? - I love them, too. 31 00:01:31,025 --> 00:01:35,121 Actually that's not true. They're hairy. They look like monkey nuts. 32 00:01:35,162 --> 00:01:37,494 Don't smell people. It's weird. 33 00:01:38,299 --> 00:01:40,790 - I'm Lucy. - I don't care. 34 00:01:42,436 --> 00:01:44,734 Regroup, Lucy. Find an ally. 35 00:01:44,772 --> 00:01:48,299 - Hi. I'm Lucy. - Cole. 36 00:01:48,709 --> 00:01:50,108 Hey, after class you want to go somewhere 37 00:01:50,144 --> 00:01:51,634 and get weird with each other? 38 00:01:51,679 --> 00:01:53,374 I feel like you skipped a few steps. 39 00:01:53,414 --> 00:01:56,406 Hey, come on. You already know if you're in or out. 40 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:58,577 So, what's the deal, girl? 41 00:02:04,291 --> 00:02:05,918 Not interested. 42 00:02:06,694 --> 00:02:08,286 Medicine is... 43 00:02:11,265 --> 00:02:13,324 Well, it's a dead career. 44 00:02:13,501 --> 00:02:15,992 Thanks to insurance companies and malpractice lawyers, 45 00:02:16,036 --> 00:02:21,941 you have absolutely no hope of finding a rewarding or satisfying profession 46 00:02:21,976 --> 00:02:24,206 in this once-noble field. 47 00:02:24,778 --> 00:02:29,078 The only exception to this very true rule is the following. 48 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:33,977 If you are lucky enough to go to a great medical school, 49 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,683 then, my children, you got a real shot. 50 00:02:37,291 --> 00:02:39,418 Unfortunately, you're all screwed, 51 00:02:39,460 --> 00:02:43,157 because to call this particular school a craphouse 52 00:02:43,197 --> 00:02:45,529 would be an honest-to-God compliment. 53 00:02:45,566 --> 00:02:48,228 Plus, I'm the only teacher here worth a damn 54 00:02:48,269 --> 00:02:50,737 and I already hate each and every one of you. 55 00:02:50,771 --> 00:02:52,966 Would you like to know why? 56 00:02:53,574 --> 00:02:57,271 Well, it turns out you're not actually medical students at all. 57 00:02:57,311 --> 00:03:00,474 You are all murderers and assassins that have been sent here 58 00:03:00,514 --> 00:03:02,641 to try to kill my patients. 59 00:03:02,683 --> 00:03:06,449 Here's the bottom line. If you do get a good, clean kill on a patient, 60 00:03:06,487 --> 00:03:09,547 go ahead and take a pinkie or an ear as a trophy. 61 00:03:09,590 --> 00:03:12,582 I get that, I do. But, please, also know this. 62 00:03:13,060 --> 00:03:15,221 I'm ready for you, have been for a while. 63 00:03:15,262 --> 00:03:17,457 So watch your ass. Good day. 64 00:03:18,866 --> 00:03:21,460 Okay, I hope everyone enjoyed orientation with Dr. Cox. 65 00:03:21,502 --> 00:03:23,800 I'm Dr. Mahoney, your student advisor. 66 00:03:23,837 --> 00:03:26,738 Here's some crappy pizza. Commence feeding. 67 00:03:28,108 --> 00:03:30,042 You joining us, Gramps? 68 00:03:30,211 --> 00:03:32,236 You know, 'cause you're old for a med student. 69 00:03:32,279 --> 00:03:34,577 They told me to give out fun nicknames for team building. 70 00:03:34,615 --> 00:03:37,880 - It's working. - Look, uh, Drew, 71 00:03:38,319 --> 00:03:42,050 I don't like dealing with, well, people, 72 00:03:42,089 --> 00:03:45,081 and all these kids obviously look up to you. 73 00:03:45,526 --> 00:03:47,255 I've never spoken to any of these people. 74 00:03:47,294 --> 00:03:48,818 I can still feel a bond. 75 00:03:48,862 --> 00:03:52,389 And I thought, why don't you deal with the whiny emotional stuff, 76 00:03:52,433 --> 00:03:55,402 and in return, I will let you do that. 77 00:03:55,803 --> 00:03:58,465 Look, just let me fly under the radar. 78 00:04:00,074 --> 00:04:01,336 Please. 79 00:04:04,044 --> 00:04:07,673 I guess I should answer any annoying questions you all have. 80 00:04:07,715 --> 00:04:09,239 Yeah, Monkey Nuts. 81 00:04:09,283 --> 00:04:13,549 I just wanted to thank you, on behalf of all of us, for getting us pizza. 82 00:04:13,587 --> 00:04:16,078 There, smelling incident fixed. 83 00:04:16,123 --> 00:04:18,250 Yeah, they gave me money to do it, 84 00:04:18,292 --> 00:04:22,023 along with free room and board to attend to your emotional needs. 85 00:04:22,062 --> 00:04:24,860 Speaking of which, little administrative thing. 86 00:04:24,898 --> 00:04:28,857 If you're going to kill yourself, I'm looking at you, Sad Eyes, 87 00:04:29,870 --> 00:04:33,397 do it off-campus because it's a butt-load of paperwork. 88 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:39,910 All right, everyone, pay attention, because my spleen is right here. 89 00:04:41,081 --> 00:04:44,346 Whoops, that feels more like my private-time area. 90 00:04:44,385 --> 00:04:47,377 Wouldn't it be easier if you could see what you were doing? 91 00:04:47,421 --> 00:04:49,719 This is the way I'm doing it, Cole. 92 00:04:49,757 --> 00:04:50,985 Or maybe you're just uncomfortable 93 00:04:51,025 --> 00:04:54,517 because it's a black man's head on a fake white man's body. 94 00:04:54,561 --> 00:04:57,962 That's right, people, it just got real up in here. 95 00:04:58,432 --> 00:05:02,835 In my class, you will each be graded by the color of your skin. 96 00:05:03,504 --> 00:05:05,665 If you're white, raise your hand. 97 00:05:05,706 --> 00:05:06,832 "F's." 98 00:05:07,341 --> 00:05:09,400 - There he is. - Yes! 99 00:05:11,178 --> 00:05:15,842 - Turk! Up here! - Dude, what the hell are you doing? 100 00:05:16,583 --> 00:05:20,110 I thought it'd be more dramatic if we spotted each other from afar, 101 00:05:20,154 --> 00:05:22,315 and then ran to see each other! 102 00:05:22,356 --> 00:05:23,448 But now, if we meet in the middle, 103 00:05:23,490 --> 00:05:25,788 we'll wind up somewhere inside the hospital, 104 00:05:25,826 --> 00:05:28,317 and this really feels like more of an outside thing. 105 00:05:28,362 --> 00:05:30,557 If you count to 10 before you run, 106 00:05:30,597 --> 00:05:33,657 I should be able to get downstairs and over to you! 107 00:05:34,101 --> 00:05:35,966 I'm already counting! 108 00:05:37,304 --> 00:05:38,931 Three, four... 109 00:05:38,972 --> 00:05:41,406 - Hey, Dr. Turk. - Not now, Denise. 110 00:05:42,076 --> 00:05:44,806 - Turk! - I'm late, gotta go. 111 00:05:45,079 --> 00:05:47,707 Let's go, it's guy love 112 00:05:47,748 --> 00:05:53,243 Don't compromise the feeling of some other guy 113 00:05:53,287 --> 00:05:57,053 Holding up your heart into the sky 114 00:05:59,693 --> 00:06:03,129 I'll be there to care through all the lows 115 00:06:03,163 --> 00:06:07,566 I'll be there to share the highs 116 00:06:07,601 --> 00:06:13,631 It's guy love between two guys 117 00:06:13,774 --> 00:06:16,208 Mmm, you smell like prison. 118 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:18,768 When was the last time you guys saw each other? 119 00:06:18,812 --> 00:06:20,541 This morning. We carpooled. 120 00:06:20,581 --> 00:06:22,640 But we haven't worked together in over a year. 121 00:06:22,683 --> 00:06:23,877 You know what I'd like to do now? 122 00:06:23,917 --> 00:06:25,908 Is it go to Vermont and make this thing legal? 123 00:06:25,953 --> 00:06:28,421 Talk to the hand. Remember that? 124 00:06:29,623 --> 00:06:33,115 Eagle! Oh, hey, Perry. 125 00:06:33,160 --> 00:06:35,526 I'm really looking forward to teaching with you. 126 00:06:35,562 --> 00:06:38,087 Onward, eagle! 127 00:06:38,699 --> 00:06:40,667 Oh, good God. 128 00:07:01,350 --> 00:07:03,113 So, that's what you're going to wear to teach? 129 00:07:03,152 --> 00:07:05,245 I'll have you know, this is the very jacket 130 00:07:05,288 --> 00:07:07,756 worn by Michelle Pfeiffer in Dangerous Minds. 131 00:07:07,790 --> 00:07:09,849 All I had to do was sew these elbow patches on 132 00:07:09,892 --> 00:07:12,156 and take the shoulder pads out. 133 00:07:12,194 --> 00:07:14,128 By the way, whatever happened to the Janitor? 134 00:07:14,163 --> 00:07:17,564 Oh, dude, it was the day after you left. 135 00:07:18,601 --> 00:07:20,626 When's that little buddy of yours coming back? 136 00:07:20,670 --> 00:07:23,503 He's never coming back. He's gone for good. 137 00:07:23,539 --> 00:07:26,599 - He's right here, isn't he? - Where would I be hiding him? 138 00:07:26,642 --> 00:07:28,803 - But he's coming back... - No. 139 00:07:28,844 --> 00:07:31,904 ...after his vacation. - No. 140 00:07:38,587 --> 00:07:41,021 And no one ever saw him again. 141 00:07:43,626 --> 00:07:47,653 - Dr. Kelso? What are you doing here? - I'm teaching a couple of classes. 142 00:07:47,697 --> 00:07:48,891 J.D.'s going to teach here, too. 143 00:07:48,931 --> 00:07:53,231 Oh, Turk, sometimes I'll teach them, sometimes they'll teach me. 144 00:07:53,269 --> 00:07:56,067 But we're always gonna inspire each other. 145 00:07:56,105 --> 00:07:58,835 You're still such an odd little fruit. 146 00:07:59,208 --> 00:08:00,436 Is that a woman's jacket? 147 00:08:00,476 --> 00:08:01,966 - No, it's a men's small. - Yes, it's actually a jacket 148 00:08:02,011 --> 00:08:03,876 - from Dangerous Minds. - He doesn't need to know that. 149 00:08:03,913 --> 00:08:07,644 Dr. Kelso, I heard about Enid's passing. 150 00:08:08,384 --> 00:08:11,353 - I'm so sorry. - Well, you bottom out, 151 00:08:12,288 --> 00:08:14,222 and then you persevere. 152 00:08:14,256 --> 00:08:17,020 I feel like I can say the worst is over. 153 00:08:17,093 --> 00:08:19,823 - How long ago did she pass? - About two days. 154 00:08:19,862 --> 00:08:20,886 Oh! 155 00:08:21,831 --> 00:08:24,800 - I'm a frequent flier. - Congrats, I guess. 156 00:08:25,067 --> 00:08:27,433 No, no, no. That means I'm in and out of the hospital a lot. 157 00:08:27,470 --> 00:08:28,494 Oh. 158 00:08:28,537 --> 00:08:33,236 - Ben. Ischemic bowel disease. - Lucy. I'm a med student. 159 00:08:33,275 --> 00:08:36,938 - You look like you could use a grape. - Thanks, Ben, I really could. 160 00:08:36,979 --> 00:08:39,038 No stealing food from patients. 161 00:08:39,081 --> 00:08:41,914 Gather around, murderers. Gather around. 162 00:08:42,385 --> 00:08:44,410 I saw that. Spit it out. 163 00:08:45,021 --> 00:08:48,457 Now, eat it again. At least we know you're a good listener. 164 00:08:48,491 --> 00:08:49,753 Score! 165 00:08:50,059 --> 00:08:52,425 You should all follow 19's lead. 166 00:08:52,461 --> 00:08:55,862 And I call her 19 because instead of using your names, 167 00:08:55,898 --> 00:08:58,958 I am going to go by where you currently rank in my head. 168 00:08:59,001 --> 00:09:00,491 Now, who can tell me 169 00:09:00,536 --> 00:09:04,802 what artery goes above the optic chiasm to the cerebral hemispheres? 170 00:09:05,875 --> 00:09:07,069 Supermodel in the back. 171 00:09:07,109 --> 00:09:10,704 I'm fairly certain it's the anterior cerebral artery. 172 00:09:11,247 --> 00:09:14,273 - What? - The anterior cerebral artery. 173 00:09:15,217 --> 00:09:17,742 I'm not understanding a word that she's saying. 174 00:09:17,787 --> 00:09:21,780 And, people, I can teach anyone. You just gotta speak English. 175 00:09:22,191 --> 00:09:24,921 - I'm Australian. - Still not getting it. 176 00:09:25,428 --> 00:09:27,191 Everyone, leave. 177 00:09:29,698 --> 00:09:33,259 - I'm sorry about the grape thing. - Don't sweat it, 42. 178 00:09:33,335 --> 00:09:36,361 Is my number going down because I'm talking to you? 179 00:09:39,008 --> 00:09:42,444 - Why was Michael in my room? - His name isn't Michael. 180 00:09:42,711 --> 00:09:44,372 Well, he has a weird Serbian name that I can't say, 181 00:09:44,413 --> 00:09:46,278 so I'm calling him Michael. He loves it. 182 00:09:46,315 --> 00:09:50,149 - I don't. My name is Ilyavich. - Mike, just go. 183 00:09:50,753 --> 00:09:54,416 Young Michael informed me that you told everyone to come to me 184 00:09:54,457 --> 00:09:57,426 - with their personal problems. - Yeah, I did. 185 00:09:57,460 --> 00:09:58,688 I checked on you. 186 00:09:58,727 --> 00:10:01,252 You've already been to med school once already when you were 21, 187 00:10:01,297 --> 00:10:04,755 and you didn't just flame out. You like... You went nuclear. 188 00:10:04,834 --> 00:10:07,667 - Seriously, how was prison? - It was cold. 189 00:10:08,404 --> 00:10:09,769 You couldn't just let me be. 190 00:10:09,805 --> 00:10:12,672 Well, I'm gonna take the high road and not mention your mannish voice 191 00:10:12,708 --> 00:10:16,075 and all the pictures you have in here of your friends. 192 00:10:16,112 --> 00:10:17,909 Tell me, which one's your BFF? 193 00:10:17,947 --> 00:10:20,347 - You are a giant douche. - I know. 194 00:10:23,052 --> 00:10:25,646 - Wanna take a shower together? - Fine. 195 00:10:26,722 --> 00:10:29,714 You know, you think you're so hot, but I'm not a fan. 196 00:10:29,758 --> 00:10:32,852 Hey, I'm not happy about this, either, okay? 197 00:10:33,762 --> 00:10:36,754 Lights, camera, teach. 198 00:10:36,799 --> 00:10:39,962 Welcome to internal medicine, gang. 199 00:10:40,002 --> 00:10:44,132 My name is Dr. John Dorian. 200 00:10:44,240 --> 00:10:47,266 - Hey, should we be taking notes? - That's a good question, fellow. 201 00:10:47,309 --> 00:10:50,142 What I'll tell you is, I don't like to really stop. 202 00:10:50,179 --> 00:10:51,373 That ruins my flow. 203 00:10:51,413 --> 00:10:54,814 So, what I'm gonna do is give a subtle nod, like so, 204 00:10:55,251 --> 00:10:57,685 as a signal, okay? Now, back to my name. 205 00:10:57,720 --> 00:11:00,655 I prefer "Dr. D," or in a pinch, "Dr. Dizzle," 206 00:11:00,689 --> 00:11:03,715 - but if you see me out in the quad... - There is no quad. 207 00:11:03,759 --> 00:11:07,695 I'm not a big fan of the TAs doing a lot of speaking, Denise. Okay? 208 00:11:08,764 --> 00:11:10,994 Wait, wait. That was an accidental nod, you guys. 209 00:11:11,033 --> 00:11:13,763 No note-taking. No note-taking, okay? 210 00:11:13,802 --> 00:11:16,396 Now, if you see me out in the quad, 211 00:11:17,940 --> 00:11:20,431 I want you to think of me as more than your teacher. 212 00:11:20,476 --> 00:11:22,876 I'm also your friend, all right? 213 00:11:24,580 --> 00:11:28,607 Okay, we're definitely gonna need a new signal for the note-taking thing. 214 00:11:29,418 --> 00:11:33,582 This guy's trying to die on me again. Who wants to play patient roulette? 215 00:11:33,956 --> 00:11:35,617 Please not me, please not me. 216 00:11:39,795 --> 00:11:42,263 It ain't no use running, little girl! 217 00:11:42,298 --> 00:11:47,167 First one bringing me a med student gets a juicy bone. He gets a juicy bone. 218 00:11:47,236 --> 00:11:49,864 You go get them! Woo! 219 00:11:50,973 --> 00:11:52,600 Ninety-one, here's how we play. 220 00:11:52,641 --> 00:11:54,973 I'm not gonna do anything to help this dying man 221 00:11:55,010 --> 00:11:57,911 until you answer these three very simple questions. 222 00:11:57,947 --> 00:11:59,039 What is it called when a blood clot 223 00:11:59,081 --> 00:12:00,810 occludes a branch of the pulmonary artery? 224 00:12:00,849 --> 00:12:03,215 What is it called when tuberculosis affects the spine? 225 00:12:03,252 --> 00:12:05,686 And what was the name of the African NBA center 226 00:12:05,721 --> 00:12:08,451 who did this whenever he blocked a shot? 227 00:12:09,758 --> 00:12:12,283 Ooh, I'd hurry. His heart's slowing down. 228 00:12:12,328 --> 00:12:14,558 And he's dead. 229 00:12:15,064 --> 00:12:16,827 Not because of you. I'm not insane. 230 00:12:16,865 --> 00:12:18,856 He was dead when we walked over here. 231 00:12:18,901 --> 00:12:22,098 But just a stunningly horrible job, nonetheless. 232 00:12:26,909 --> 00:12:30,470 All right, we finally found a signal that works. Jazz hands, love it. 233 00:12:30,713 --> 00:12:33,181 Guys, tomorrow you'll be divided into groups 234 00:12:33,215 --> 00:12:35,547 and you'll be given your cadavers. 235 00:12:35,584 --> 00:12:39,816 So, great first day, everybody. Who wants to keep this party going? 236 00:12:40,723 --> 00:12:46,025 If so, meet me back here at 6:00. I will have beers, on me. 237 00:12:46,462 --> 00:12:49,625 Everyone, take a mix CD on their way out. 238 00:12:49,665 --> 00:12:52,828 For those of you who are fans of a young Ms. Miley Cyrus, 239 00:12:52,868 --> 00:12:56,201 I recommend the green ones. She's heavily featured. 240 00:12:58,440 --> 00:13:00,374 - Dr. Cox... - Professor. 241 00:13:00,709 --> 00:13:02,802 - Professor Cox... - Actually, it's both. 242 00:13:02,845 --> 00:13:04,972 - Doctor-Professor Cox? - Yes? 243 00:13:05,281 --> 00:13:08,273 Sometimes I feel like you're not even trying to teach me. 244 00:13:08,317 --> 00:13:09,341 I'm not. 245 00:13:09,385 --> 00:13:12,650 I generally don't waste time on people who aren't going to make it. 246 00:13:12,688 --> 00:13:14,883 Oh! Thanks. 247 00:13:14,923 --> 00:13:16,288 Thanks? 248 00:13:21,830 --> 00:13:24,890 - Hey, can I talk to you for a sec? - What do you want? 249 00:13:24,933 --> 00:13:29,700 Well, I get the whole trial-by-fire thing, and you're wonderful at it, really. 250 00:13:29,738 --> 00:13:31,672 - Don't ever touch me. - Sorry. Um... 251 00:13:31,707 --> 00:13:34,267 But you seem to go out of your way to pick on the weakest kids. 252 00:13:34,310 --> 00:13:37,177 Maybe you could, I don't know, not do that. 253 00:13:37,913 --> 00:13:40,347 Thank you for the feedback. It's invaluable. 254 00:13:40,382 --> 00:13:42,043 - You don't mean that, do you? - I don't. 255 00:13:42,084 --> 00:13:44,518 And since you don't see yourself as one of the weak ones, 256 00:13:44,553 --> 00:13:47,750 maybe a good solution would be for me to unload 257 00:13:47,856 --> 00:13:50,620 my years of rage and frustration and pain onto your head, 258 00:13:50,659 --> 00:13:52,559 and your head alone. 259 00:13:53,062 --> 00:13:55,895 Are we locked down to that, or can we keep spitballing here? 260 00:13:55,931 --> 00:13:58,695 - Very locked in. - Looking forward to it. 261 00:13:59,735 --> 00:14:00,963 Whore! 262 00:14:01,136 --> 00:14:04,299 Not you. Just, something I say whenever I'm pissed. 263 00:14:04,640 --> 00:14:06,733 And when I'm with a whore. 264 00:14:08,377 --> 00:14:11,141 - Whoa. - None of them showed up. 265 00:14:11,980 --> 00:14:13,971 I got us all these glow-in-the-dark necklaces 266 00:14:14,016 --> 00:14:16,712 so we wouldn't lose each other when we were out on the town. 267 00:14:16,752 --> 00:14:21,018 It's their first day of med school. Come on, you remember how we were. 268 00:14:22,691 --> 00:14:24,215 - Nerds! - Losers! 269 00:14:25,361 --> 00:14:26,953 I feel so alive. 270 00:14:27,529 --> 00:14:29,929 Everybody at that party had sex. 271 00:14:30,532 --> 00:14:32,830 Come on, let's go get a beer. 272 00:14:33,235 --> 00:14:34,327 No. 273 00:14:36,305 --> 00:14:40,298 We all go through life worrying about what other people think of us. 274 00:14:40,342 --> 00:14:41,502 Hey, 275 00:14:42,511 --> 00:14:45,639 aren't those your students in there with Kelso? 276 00:14:45,948 --> 00:14:48,678 Man, I must be the worst teacher ever. 277 00:14:49,251 --> 00:14:53,779 The truth is, the harshest words are the ones we say about ourselves. 278 00:14:55,324 --> 00:14:58,987 - Are you okay, sweetie? - No, Ben. 279 00:15:00,362 --> 00:15:02,262 I don't belong here. 280 00:15:10,568 --> 00:15:12,126 I was so depressed yesterday. 281 00:15:12,169 --> 00:15:15,969 To cheer myself up, I made what I think is a great decision. 282 00:15:16,307 --> 00:15:20,471 Sometimes, one perfect night can change your whole outlook on life. 283 00:15:24,982 --> 00:15:27,974 Yep, I've got a good feeling about this guy. 284 00:15:30,922 --> 00:15:33,652 Hey, darling, I'm Dr. Cole. I'll be your physician. 285 00:15:34,091 --> 00:15:38,391 So, what are we dealing with here? "Non-Hodgkin's lymphoma." 286 00:15:38,930 --> 00:15:40,693 - Giant drag. - Hey. 287 00:15:41,632 --> 00:15:42,656 Come here. 288 00:15:43,200 --> 00:15:45,293 Hope you enjoyed your last day of med school. 289 00:15:45,336 --> 00:15:47,896 - Yeah, I don't see it. - I'm sorry, what? 290 00:15:47,939 --> 00:15:51,033 You know that bust you pass on your way to pick up your tiny paycheck? 291 00:15:51,075 --> 00:15:54,636 Notice any resemblance? Symmetric features, strong jaw? 292 00:15:55,046 --> 00:15:58,106 Yeah, that's my pop-pop. Paid for this whole building. 293 00:15:58,149 --> 00:16:00,276 So here's the skinny. I'm Teflon. 294 00:16:00,318 --> 00:16:02,786 You can fire bullets at me if you want, but be careful. 295 00:16:02,820 --> 00:16:05,721 When they ricochet off me, they sometimes hit other people. 296 00:16:05,756 --> 00:16:08,122 Puh-ching. Puh-ching. 297 00:16:08,159 --> 00:16:09,524 Hey, don't "puh-ching" me. 298 00:16:09,560 --> 00:16:11,653 - Puh-ching. - Don't you "puh-ching" me! 299 00:16:12,596 --> 00:16:15,565 My dad always says every day is a new day, 300 00:16:15,599 --> 00:16:17,999 so today I'm gonna be confident, strong, 301 00:16:18,035 --> 00:16:20,503 and nothing will knock me off my game. 302 00:16:21,839 --> 00:16:25,172 Who am I kidding? I'm doomed. 303 00:16:26,711 --> 00:16:30,306 - Has anyone seen the crash cart? - It's over by Bed 4. 304 00:16:30,514 --> 00:16:32,573 Now, can you make that out? 305 00:16:32,616 --> 00:16:36,609 I think I heard the words "bear fight," but that makes no sense. 306 00:16:38,823 --> 00:16:41,883 You're right, that's super fun. I love doing things with you. 307 00:16:41,926 --> 00:16:43,450 Thanks, Perry, I needed that. 308 00:16:43,494 --> 00:16:46,429 I'm having a little trouble getting my teacher groove going. 309 00:16:46,464 --> 00:16:47,624 Maybe you suck at it. 310 00:16:47,665 --> 00:16:49,860 Why do you have to lash out, Perry? 311 00:16:49,900 --> 00:16:53,768 Stay open for business in here. In your heart-cage. 312 00:16:54,505 --> 00:16:57,497 I guess I'm just tired of weeding out the weak to protect the rest of the herd 313 00:16:57,541 --> 00:16:58,906 like I always do. 314 00:16:58,943 --> 00:17:00,740 Maybe you could mix it up a little. 315 00:17:00,778 --> 00:17:03,804 Try investing emotionally in one of them. 316 00:17:04,648 --> 00:17:07,412 A kid stood up to me just the other day, 317 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,144 and I kind of felt connected to him. 318 00:17:10,321 --> 00:17:12,050 Good, good, good. 319 00:17:12,189 --> 00:17:15,249 I'm sure you probably knew him for all of 30 seconds. 320 00:17:15,292 --> 00:17:18,819 It's not like I tried for eight years or anything to get your love. 321 00:17:18,863 --> 00:17:20,922 I thought we were over this. 322 00:17:22,867 --> 00:17:25,335 I'm drowning here. I wish there was just someone 323 00:17:25,369 --> 00:17:28,395 who could fly up and rescue me from all this. 324 00:17:29,206 --> 00:17:30,434 I feel like I'd get back on track 325 00:17:30,474 --> 00:17:32,806 if I could just find one student to connect with. 326 00:17:32,843 --> 00:17:35,141 One kid that really needs me. 327 00:17:35,179 --> 00:17:38,478 I mean, that's what it's all about, right? Reaching out. 328 00:17:40,518 --> 00:17:42,213 - What's your name? - Drew. 329 00:17:42,586 --> 00:17:46,022 I'm taking an interest in you. Carry on. 330 00:17:47,525 --> 00:17:50,688 - That's not good for me, is it? - Drew, you know I don't care. 331 00:17:50,728 --> 00:17:53,629 Come on, grab me like a man. Let's do this. 332 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:58,164 What up, Dizzle? 333 00:17:59,003 --> 00:18:01,403 You dropped something. I got it. 334 00:18:02,606 --> 00:18:04,972 I'm not always a believer in serendipity, 335 00:18:05,009 --> 00:18:08,376 but sometimes the world just brings things together. 336 00:18:10,714 --> 00:18:14,673 - I was chasing that, so it's mine. - It's a naked picture of me. 337 00:18:15,619 --> 00:18:18,417 It fell out of that Cole kid's notebook. 338 00:18:18,989 --> 00:18:22,288 Oh, don't be sad. It's just... Oh! Wow! 339 00:18:22,326 --> 00:18:25,557 That is a very graphic naked picture of you. 340 00:18:25,596 --> 00:18:27,359 You know, we're gonna go over a lot of that stuff in class. 341 00:18:27,398 --> 00:18:29,389 So don't worry about it. I shouldn't have looked. 342 00:18:29,433 --> 00:18:31,867 I'm both a married man and a beloved professor. 343 00:18:31,902 --> 00:18:33,961 I know, you're Dr. Dorian. 344 00:18:34,371 --> 00:18:38,330 This area's technically the quad, so it's J.D. 345 00:18:39,176 --> 00:18:41,542 - Lucy. - Nice to meet you, Lucy. 346 00:18:43,247 --> 00:18:45,875 Don't let him leave. Say something, Lucy. 347 00:18:46,217 --> 00:18:47,343 J. D? 348 00:18:49,954 --> 00:18:55,483 - Can I help you with something? - Dr. Cox is all over me. I can't take it. 349 00:18:57,061 --> 00:19:00,588 Come with me. Come with me. 350 00:19:05,169 --> 00:19:08,605 Lucy, to win at the game of Perry Cox, you have to stand up to him. 351 00:19:08,639 --> 00:19:11,631 He just wants to know that you're strong enough to survive here. 352 00:19:11,675 --> 00:19:14,337 So you need to go ahead and show him. 353 00:19:17,882 --> 00:19:20,874 Doctor... Doctor-Professor Cox, 354 00:19:20,918 --> 00:19:22,909 I actually knew the answers to all your questions. 355 00:19:22,953 --> 00:19:24,250 Check it out. 356 00:19:24,288 --> 00:19:28,281 Pulmonary embolism. Pott's disease. And Dikembe Mutombo. 357 00:19:29,193 --> 00:19:31,491 That's fabulous. I don't care. 358 00:19:31,829 --> 00:19:33,626 It's just that you kept yelling 359 00:19:33,664 --> 00:19:37,122 and you had that vein thing popping out the side of your head. 360 00:19:37,168 --> 00:19:38,658 There it is. 361 00:19:38,702 --> 00:19:40,727 And sometimes I get nervous under pressure 362 00:19:40,771 --> 00:19:43,171 and I forget basic... 363 00:19:43,574 --> 00:19:45,804 You know, the things that you speak. 364 00:19:45,843 --> 00:19:49,074 - Words? - Yes! Words. People speak words. 365 00:19:49,914 --> 00:19:51,973 Look, when you have a patient coding on the table, 366 00:19:52,016 --> 00:19:54,109 what, are you gonna tell the whole room to stop screaming 367 00:19:54,151 --> 00:19:57,609 - so that you don't get nervous? - No. 368 00:19:57,655 --> 00:20:01,421 Ooh, I know that face. You're a crier. 369 00:20:02,726 --> 00:20:04,057 You cry. 370 00:20:04,094 --> 00:20:07,325 I have not cried once in my entire adult life, 371 00:20:07,364 --> 00:20:10,231 and I am not gonna start now because of you. 372 00:20:10,267 --> 00:20:11,632 We'll see. 373 00:20:13,938 --> 00:20:15,337 Be strong. 374 00:20:16,040 --> 00:20:17,530 And Dr. Cox, 375 00:20:18,609 --> 00:20:23,637 if you do make me cry, it won't be a big deal, because I lied. 376 00:20:24,315 --> 00:20:27,773 I cry all the time. 377 00:20:28,319 --> 00:20:29,877 Oh, good God. 378 00:20:32,790 --> 00:20:35,816 Little victories count for a lot around here, 379 00:20:37,194 --> 00:20:39,219 even if you never asked to win in the first place. 380 00:20:39,263 --> 00:20:44,098 Congrats. I am now going to expect more from you 381 00:20:44,134 --> 00:20:47,297 than I've expected from a med student, ever. 382 00:20:49,039 --> 00:20:50,233 Whore. 383 00:20:50,708 --> 00:20:54,200 And you have to enjoy those nice moments while you can. 384 00:20:54,812 --> 00:20:57,940 This is your group's cadaver for the semester. 385 00:20:58,949 --> 00:21:02,214 Because around here, they never last very long. 386 00:21:02,620 --> 00:21:04,178 Treat him well. 387 00:21:04,855 --> 00:21:07,346 I wonder what this guy's deal was. 388 00:21:07,858 --> 00:21:08,984 Ben. 389 00:21:10,594 --> 00:21:12,357 His name was Ben. 390 00:21:19,069 --> 00:21:20,331 Hey. 391 00:21:20,371 --> 00:21:21,998 - Would you get off... - Why are we whispering? 392 00:21:22,039 --> 00:21:23,836 I got a little mad at that Cole kid 393 00:21:23,874 --> 00:21:27,139 and I threw a blanket over his head and then sat on him. 394 00:21:27,177 --> 00:21:29,668 - He doesn't know it's me. - What's your exit strategy? 395 00:21:29,713 --> 00:21:32,910 - I haven't really thought that far ahead. - I got a plan. 396 00:21:32,950 --> 00:21:35,418 Todd, can you come here and sit on this? 397 00:21:35,452 --> 00:21:36,612 Okay. 398 00:21:39,857 --> 00:21:42,121 So, dude or chick? 399 00:21:42,159 --> 00:21:45,151 Actually, don't ruin it. I'm good either way. 400 00:21:47,131 --> 00:21:48,155 Ow!